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1mln thoughts.

Warning: you read this at your own risk.


For some time now, I have started to think a lot about my condition, which has been going on for years... 


I am talking about "depression" which follows me like some kind of slime that cannot be washed off... 


I read a lot, I tried to solve it in millions of ways, if only not to go to the person as most people say "will help", but the problem is that I know perfectly well what such conversations would look like, getting information, talking, saying what hurts me and concluding what I should do or try to do... 


What a crap... 


Maybe it helps some people, showing them a path that they may know about, but are afraid to open their eyes to because of the pain...



I was also afraid to open my eyes because of the pain I experienced due to my own stupidity.



But I think I found the answer to my questions. I cured myself and I will never again fall into this mess that dragged me deeper and deeper, thinking only about death, which is so easy...


The answer is very simple, we need to accept where we are, who we have next to us, and even if there is no one, accepting ourselves is enough to be able to move on calmly without waiting for anything or anyone. 


I know and understand that it's easy to say something like that, but harder to do without providing specific arguments. 

But it is experience, situations and a lot of reflection that can lead to a solution. 

As long as you keep going. 

Not everyone will be able to cope on their own, they will only pretend that everything is fine just to deceive everyone around them, even the closest people who probably would like to help but cannot. 

The last lesson I learned is that I always tried to solve everything myself because I believed in my abilities, but I was very wrong about it. 

I rejected everyone, without exception, for which I now feel very stupid and bad, because through my behavior I conditioned these people to do exactly the same thing I did to them. 

With one small exception, and it is she who I have to thank the most because despite the harm, she was and still is. 


Additionally, there is one more person, but she will disappear sooner or later. 

Because of fear and pain, but I have already come to terms with it because I have predicted every possible scenario and it will not surprise me in any way. 


Finally, I will add that I may act as if I had lost my mind, but this knowledge did not come out of my ass, it just came from experiencing pain.


All the chaos that everyone has to sort out in us, we just need to find the beginning and the middle, the rest will solve itself. 


Well, this is a more difficult issue, because in order to find the beginning of chaos, you have to find peace deep inside yourself. 

I was looking for it by listening to music, words, playing games, watching anime, talking to thousands of people, observing. 

Until it finally dawned on me. So don't give up, open your eyes and last but not least, believe in what you want, what kind of God you want, it's up to you ;), but believe in yourself.


Sooner or later the answer will come ;).


New DaTa** out ;).

Dodane 22 MAJA 2024
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