there was once so easy, so easier than now. now i have two worlds in my head, i hate myself and don't know what to do. tell everything and try, tell nothing and destroy.. or what? suddenly i have what i wanted for last three, four or eight months and i don't want that. i want to know that everything is a lie, a dream, very bad nightmare.. but it isn't. i can't think, reflect, i can't that. analyse..? i can't. i see that awful things i've done and i don't see nothing else in my head. life sucks. or do i?