nothing about the strangers

I'm not sad. I have suffered a great injustice but I've been here so many times that eventually I'm not even sad.

I'm just disappointed, sometimes even angry.

I'm tired of constant mourning and complaining how bad I am, how it's all my fault. It's not. I'm not the one who never actually tried to make it work. For 10 months I tried for something that obviously wasn't worth it. Again. If for someone words are more important than deeds - that's no longer my problem. When a minor dispute causes such turmoil - that's no longer my problem.

I actually feel good about that. I no longer have to constantly make someone pleased, take care, say sorry when I'm not to blame. To put it simply I don't have act as a guard of well-being. I no longer have to put up with diva-like behaviour and sulks. I no longer have to be afraid of negligence and lies. It's not my fault when someone is unable to maintain a satisfactory bound, is unable to assist you and think about something else that his own business.  

I'm not to blame when someone is simply an asshole. A hypocrite and a coward.

THE PRIDE IS THE ONE TO BLAME. And it's not my pride, since I hid mine for so many times.

I hate double standards.

I hate when men who behave like teenage girls blame everything on you, always expect you to repent, who are forever offended, forever whining how unfair life is. Who judge others when they don't see their own faults.  I hate cynical, cowardly behaviour.

The relationship is not about being in an uncomfortable cage, where comfort and satisfaction come depending on the partner's mood.

I'm done. I must say I've been quite naive expecting things to change. Nothing has changed for months, despite my requests.

Just a great lie with no future.

For the first time in months I don't miss, I don't wait and beg. I feel released. I have had my worse days when I actually longed for a kiss, a meeting or a plain talk, but these were very short moments, which I solemnly regret.

I'm not superstitious, but recently it feels like I've got a sign. A sweet and modest reminder that it's not the way things should look like, it's not the way I should feel. That there are words and acts I deserve to be part of. 

I've been extremely lost since 2012, it was like all my good luck has been lost together with me. Now I know that's just a matter of my wrong choices. I don't want to be that cat from the picture anymore. I don't want to be pushed away because I have the guts to pursue the truth. The truth, no matter the price, is always what I want. 

I don't know what will happen now, if anything changes, but for the first time in years I'm at peace :)