I got that going for me ;)

Author: Monch

Title: ne te retourne pas, Orphée

Do not look back, Orpheus...

Do not look back!

For all those years I was sure that I'm the meticulous one in my family. I'm not. That's my sister. And although I didn't find exactly what I wanted, her notes somehow led me to some more conclusions and, together with the talk I had with my grandma, I'm closer and closer to find out what's the truth.

The truth, the clues. All the clues I have. The general idea I've been nurturing since few months. It fed on fear, anger, despise, mistrust, yet never on proved facts. And I knew from the very beginning! Now I have facts, those I obtained by myself, those given to me - those shouted in my face and those whispered to my ear, but somehow I behave like a blind man. In psychology it's beautifully called defence mechanisms; denial and repression are my favourite ones.

It feels like I took part in a weird competition, a contest for the best choice. Either I won, since I'm so fucking cool, or I was just the last one standing - the naive idiot, who despite knowing the truth, decided to stay.

All in all, it's not what I wanted to say. I'm glad November is over. For a moment I thought I've lost my mind - I've lost much more. My beloved pet, faith in the future, a battle with my anger management. If I hadn't been been so hasty, I would have gained much more.

But I'm better today, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

;)