i want to tell you about million things. you are always far. far from here. far from me. even my thoughts are far from you. you gave me time. time for waiting. waiting for you of course. i am going crazy cause' i am not exactly honest. with myself of course. i have some problems. i am sick of it. i am tired and depressed. hidding it from you. my body is changing. my eyes looks so sad. i can't smile. if i am doing it i am feeling bad. inside i'm lost. faking this laugh burns like hell. it is killing me. i'm a faker. i don't have a heart anymore. my feelings if i had any just doesn't exist now. love is just an imagination of how u would like to be loved. I don't have power for dreaming that you are near. i don't want to break you. i don't want to be mean. i can't live like that. having nothing but it. how you can love me if u don't know a thing about me? i am living between fiction and reality. got stuck in that space without my permission. you want to control me? this time i need to say : stop it is enough. it is. this love is toxic. hurts like hell. wanna sleep and never wake up, that's too heavy to handle. my head will explode on your eyes. this. your feelings are destroying me. i know i should try. but unfortunately i tried and i am not into this. like you. oh i like you more than i liked anyone. but i don't get any of this mess i need to cleab right now. chaos in my mind. many of thoughts. hardest part in my life. should i quit it? should i stay? i should go? weak person trying to figure it out. i am so low. ground is mind. too much time i wasted on dreams i'll never chase. truth is i am so scared. of living.