Not relevent at all.

This picture is not relevent to the writing at all. But lets go lets talk.

I done it again.Since like  3 months I havn't felt the pain. Just as i saw it made me die a little inside,bursting out in tears at the same time.I couldnt break it at first to get my pain reliefer,but I somehow done it. The worst part is the first step because you want the pain so bad, but you know how much it hurts.Still with all the voices , the words I shouted at my dad 5 minutes earlier..it was all so loud and clumpy-over taking my whole body. I went for it.
It felt so good, the anger just poped away,with the red substance dripping down my leg.I repeted the 'relief' over and over untill it was all gone, untill all the horrible voices and thoughs were gone.Leaving myslef to cry in the shower for more than 20 minutes-even though I was all done and ready to get out.
I done it quietly, so my brother couldn't hear it,so mum wouldn't come over and start knocking at the door; she was already upset enough.

This is not as bad as the other times, it was worse, so I didnt think anyone would notice it, but as always I was worng.
We was doing some work in maths.When sophie said 'aleks what have you been doing' I though she ment the work, that  I done something wrong, but just to make sure I looked at my writs to see if it was coverd with my justin bieber bracelets and it wasnt.I looked at her and she was gazing at them. I threw my hand down of the desk straight away,but it didnt stop sophie questioning me about it.
 She knows now. She check on me everyday since.Im not happy with someone knowing,but its easier because I can explain and talk about it gradualy with her resluting that I cant show and say what I feel and mean the very first time I tell someone something.
Im quite sure I have a priblem with that too. I dont know how to tell,explain,show my feeling toward something.I dont know what caused it,I would like to know..but I dont.

I hate some many thins about myself.There is some many.I dont even know where to start.

My worse fear is that someone will judge me as desperate..attention seeking, anything like that.
I  really dont know what I would do.

Thank You Sophie.