My bloody hell ! o.O  

Ive been so stupid&

I know that Ive done a lot of stupid things&many times Ive lied&often I feel like Im one great motherfucking lie walking the streets intoxicating all&

Everyday&each argument we have or you scold me for something&I realize how much pain I have caused you. I deserve all of it&If I could Id take all the pain and let if fall on me&to pin me down to hurt me to destroy me&the same way it did to you, but in an instant. Not in waves or doses&at once. Like a motherfucking laser.

One horrific experience&

All the talks we have&all those discussions&when you downsize me, when you point out the facts&I deserve it all and even more.

I wish you never met me, I wish that I could undo all the pain and suffering youve been through. All the poison that I have injected into your pure and innocent heart. I dont deserve you&

Say all you want, whenever you want, when you feel so&I will listen&I will remember&I will take the pain and make it a hammer&my heart will be the anvil&the soul will be the forged metal&

You owe me nothing I;m indebted to you&I will forge out a better self out of me. Just for you.

I will take any pain and stick its boiling hot blade into my heart and endure it

Do anything to me. But I wont let you go&





...but I crave for your love.

Hate me, detest me, humiliate me, but let at least one drop of love soothe my pain and misery.

I hate myself for the pain youve seen. And I damn myself because I know no way to soothe the misery&


If you believe me to be your enemy, emperor, command me, and I will gladly take my life.
I wish it would be so easy&