snow and dirty rain

dear forgiveness, you know.

i know.

four dreams in a row, four dreams in a row, four dreams in a row, you are a fever I am learning to live with, and everything is happening at the wrong end of a very long tunnel. here is my hand, my heart, my throat, my wrist. here are the illuminated cities at the center of me, and here is the center of me, which is a lake, which is a well that we can drink from, but I can't go through with it. I just don't want to die anymore. 

you're falling now. you're swimming. this is not harmless. you are not

breathing.

two brothers: one of them wants to take you apart. two brothers: one of them wants to put you back together. it's time to choose sides now. the stitches or the devouring mouth? you want an alibi? you don't get an alibi, you get two brothers. here are two jeffs. pick one. this is how you make the meaning, you take two things and try to define the space between them. jeff or jeff? who do you want to be? you just wanted to play in your own backyard, but you don't know where your own yard is, exactly. you just wanted to prove there was one safe place, just one safe place where you could love him. you have not found that place yet. you have not made that place yet. you are here. you are here. you're

still right here.

this is the last time, przyrzekam. przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam przyrzekam

and I said I wouldn't get sucked in and I said I wouldn't cry about it

jenny I am in trouble; can't get these thoughts out of me

jenny I'm seeing double, I know this changes everything

//przyszłam tylko napisać że przeżyłam kolejny rok edukacji szkolnej. nadal nie jest pięknie, ale to już ostatni raz. naprawdę. skończyłam. nigdy więcej.